friday

Currently listening:

The Virginian

By Neko Case & Her Boyfriends

           

friday

all at once you can see what makes up the universe that surrounds you. beauty, art, sadness, love, pain, regret. like a thin, soft sheet it lies between you and reality and it sings so loudly that it drowns out what is really going on around you.

words.

it's words and letters strung along slightly and slowly

someday the words are an albatross, communication the bastard child of reason.
i'd like to be so many things to so many people.

i don't know how to access myself and i know that this is the first step to oblivion but it doesn't seem to phase me, not one little bit. i continue, i perservere and i continue to survive,

the question that i ask myself from time to time and more recently on the train from school to work is, what would i do if i found out that i had a life threatening illness, what would i do the day after?the week after?

i never have an answer, i am paralyzed by the choices.

i guess i would want to feel arms around me and warmth.  i would lament that the only person that i could find comfort in is gone now, i would become briefly resolved with the fact that i have to create the relationships that bring me comfort these days. that resolve would be brief however.
then,  i don't know what i would do.

i suppose this makes me an uninspired.